Excerpt from Warm Milk and Sugar

51/50

1996

It was around four in the morning. I was sixteen, spun out of my mind, and convinced I couldn’t keep living the way I was. My chest tightened, my breathing slipped, and shadows moved across my room like they were closing in. I thought it was over. But something inside me whispered, “It’s not over. Crawl to your mother.”

So, I did. In the pitch‑black darkness, I pushed myself across the floor and reached her foot at the end of the bed. I remember squeezing it before everything went black.

When I woke up in the hospital, I heard the doctor say I was lucky to be alive. They called it a cry for help, and I know the doctors were right, because my Father was listening.

Alive in Me — Entry on Suffering

Snippet from my current work, Alive in Me.

This entry comes from a time when I didn’t understand my suffering, or that my own decisions had brought me to the edge. I had cut myself off from God through my idols, and without Him everything was chaos. These were the conversations I had with Him as I learned the truth.

WHY ME?

No matter how much I fail, You won’t let me suffer defeat. I exist, but not of my own desire. The darkness is always broken at dawn, and the silence is always muted by my heartbeat. Your word rests in the pit of my stomach, always reminding me of Your presence. It keeps me from letting go completely. Lord, why do You allow me to suffer?

“Be sober‑minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour.”

(1 Peter 5:8 ESV)

Re‑Born & Raised

Today was a full‑circle moment, holding the book in my hands for the first time, right where this story all started. Praise the Great Redeemer!

SAVING GRACE

It wasn’t that I no longer wanted to live,

I was just living a life without Him.

I took back every ounce of will I gave.

The victory was mine.

I was never saved.

I survived battle,

countless enemies,

numerous attacks.

I carried every burden on my back.

I lived with my grief until it became loss,

I drank away the life my pride would cost.

It was a debt I alone could not pay,

a bounty I’d have to face on judgement day.

Little did I know the weight I carried was free,

it was paid for by the Son of God at Calvary.

Jesus defeated death to save sinners like me,

so I could be forgiven

and saved for eternity.

He was always there in this life I was given.

For this reason, my story was written.

The one and only time I truly suffered defeat

was at the feet of Jesus Christ, the One who rescued me.